he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
