i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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