sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
