I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
