Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
