When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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