Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
