Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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