I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
