So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
