I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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