soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
operation harelip BJ is a go
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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