Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
