not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize