if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
