This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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