When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
