I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My ass is underappreciated
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
