After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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