I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
