Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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