im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
