your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
