Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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