Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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