I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
