hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
