why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize