you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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