When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
