He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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