Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
