I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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