are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
