He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
