He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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