I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
