i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
