The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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