do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
