The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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