Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
