did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
