ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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