i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
