Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
