Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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