you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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