3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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