I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
