I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
