Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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