I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
