I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
