He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
