he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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