HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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