My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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