I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
