Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize