he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
