shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
