Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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