Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
