I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
