shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
